Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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