none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize