is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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