Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
