My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
