you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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