its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
