I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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