seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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