Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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