I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
