So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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