Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
