he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
