Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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