Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
