So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
