he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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