I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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