i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
