What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
