If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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