So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
