I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
