I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
