Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
