I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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