Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize