we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
