I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
