Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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