well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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