I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
