If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize