Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
