I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
