What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
