Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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