This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
