can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
