I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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