All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
