Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
