you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
