News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
