Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
