Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
