i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
