I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
