I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They are going to name an STD after you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize