and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
