that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just threw up on my dentist
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
