You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
