I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
