ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
