areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
