She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize