Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My penis needs a shock collar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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