just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
