Already got asked if we're dating
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
