:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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