I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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