I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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