Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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