that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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