I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize