i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
