I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
