Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
