True but thats because hes a fetus.
Screwed.edu
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You ruined the universe
Randomize
