That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
