I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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