Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
