Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
