I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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