Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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