What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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