found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need a beard to bite.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
