I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
MIDGETS
????
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
