omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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