I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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