need another drink. this is the easiest way
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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