I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Mom said you looked used
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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