The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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