I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
