even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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