If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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