You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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