Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
