Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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