We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
