cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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