$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
