You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
