She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you never un-have a 4some
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
