why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
