Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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