Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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